Wednesday, January 05, 2011

So I'm a little obsessed with Kirk Cameron.(Scroll down) I admit it (scroll down). I'm not ashamed of it. So, of course, when Anderson Cooper interviewed Kirk (I like to call him Kirkie-Pooh) about the recent fish and bird deaths in Arkansas, wasn't I surprised that K-Dizzle came across as damn near sane. Way to go Kirk Cameron. Oh, and as for the weirdness, here's a little blog post someone else wrote about it. I don't know if it actually clears it up or makes it seem worse.

**Sorry about the .pdfs. Seems to be the new thing. Here are the poems I linked to:

Growing Pains by C. L. BLEDSOE (from 42 Opus)

Mother lying on the couch coughing fire,
the death of applause. Father puddled on the floor,

paycheck spent on modeling glue. Sisters, brothers.
Burn the couch, the television,

memory. My room had two windows, one opened
so close to the ground, you could step through, the other,

an ankle spraining drop. This is why we never took Mom along
when we snuck out. She was always one for falling, propping

herself over the deepest gorge and waiting for the sensors
to push her over. Dr. Seaver, you never came for me. Mike,

you bastard I trusted you. Sat through Left Behind, for your special message
at the end, and it was all about marketing. Carol, I waited,

studied hard and wore glasses till my eyes were ruined
but you disappeared yourself. And Maggie, what is there to say

between the two of us? Is your hair even blond? Your eyes, empty and waiting?

* * *

The Book of Kirk by C. L. Bledsoe (from Mud Luscious)

Kirk Cameron’s pet monkey loves bananas. He’s got a direct line to God: listen, the perfect curve reminiscent of a sheathed phallus, the fingers arc; the lips pucker just so to receive it. The exposed anus. It’s in the bible: look it up the next time you’re in a hotel. Kirk Cameron’s pet monkey knows: it could be worse. There could be no bananas. Worse still, rational thought, an understanding of agriculture, fleas.

Pizza Den by C.L. Bledsoe (from Neon)

Kirk Cameron works at Guido's Pizza Den; that's why I get a discount on pizza. He is researching a role for a movie about an out of work actor who works at a pizza place. Kirk Cameron lives in an apartment he rents from a troll in a cave under the
bridge in front of Pizza Den. When I cross the bridge, it rattles and Kirk knows a customer is coming. I'm not the only customer he gets, but I'm the best looking. He told me that during a screening of "Left Behind IV: Son of Apocalypse." He told me that so I would tip more. I am not a fool.

Kirk Cameron drives a Volvo. He bought it when he worked on "Growing Pains." Kirk Cameron doesn't buy American, but he plans ahead. Kirk's favorite song is "Time is
on My Side," by the Rolling Stones. Usually, Kirk doesn't listen to rock, but a techie on the set of "Growing Pains" used to listen to the Stones. Kirk likes it for the memories. He likes to think back to when he felt things. He's not a romantic, but he's familiar with the concept.

Kirk learned to make pizza from the troll, who is the owner of the Pizza Den. The troll's name isn't Guido; it's Terrence. Kirk thinks of Terrence as a sort of grudging father figure. Terrence considers Kirk a has-been, really, a neverwas.
Kirk pays his rent. He makes pizza. The customers like him; they come back. This is what Terrence cares about. Terrence doesn't think about the way Kirk's body moves under his uniform. He doesn't stay late, sifting through the soiled aprons, trying to catch Kirk's scent. He doesn't daydream. He counts pepperoni, turns the thermostat down, and thinks about the martini he's going to make when he gets off work. He'll drink it in the hot-tub he bought with the money he stole from
Kirk's tips. The boy can act, Terrance will admit, but he can't count.


e.a.s. demers said...

--- First, I think they ought to call a Veterinarian, not me----

Smartest thing the guy's said in a long time.....smartest thing anybody has said in a long time.

Glenn Buttkus said...

Picked up RAIN over on Neon
when I bobbed over there looking
at PIZZA DEN. Love to see that
you are still flogging Kirk C,
and as a new leader in the
modern Christian movement,
he probably digs a good
scourging; but damn, sir,
thousands of blackbirds
just falling out of the sky
at the same time in Arkansas,
puts me in mind of the frog
deluge in MAGNOLIA, and
perhaps a war in heaven
which is hell on blackbirds.