Monday, August 10, 2009

It's time to come clean, country music! All that talk of broken hearts is bullshit. What these songs really mean is: you're really hot, but you're boring. I want to screw you, but I can't stand to be around you. And when I actually do screw you, half the time, you just lay there. Because being a good lay is about being aware of the other person. Which, let's be honest, is something that doesn't really happen naturally (especially if you're focusing all your energy on your hair). And really attractive people often have little in the way of personality, because personality is something that has to be developed and nurtured, and if you've had no reason to do that, it won't happen. Why develop a sense of humor when you can succeed in life by being handsome, for example? This doesn't mean that the morbidly obese goth girl/boy is a better lay--s/he might be just as self-absorbed and boring as the jock/cheerleader. But it does mean that the really hot person is probably not much of a converstionalist.

This is what teenage angst is all about: delayed gratification. Having to look around and find someone who is really hot and a good lay and is capable of inteligent conversation. Unfortuantely, if you're one of the self-absorbed types, you might have to put a little work into yourself first. Good luck with that.

So, Country Music, take all that, break it into stanzas, add an annoying twang, and get over yourselves. And seriously, quit it with the black leather.


Glenn Buttkus said...

Hey man, leave us not forget all the other symbols and iconography--like Mama, beer, whiskey, cheatin, trucks, horses, hats, saloons, dead beat dads, wife beaters, too many kids, old dogs, her cats, Hank Williams, and trains! Although, I must say that modern country music, much of it, is as good musically as older rock. The new kid's music, I guess they still call it rock,remains anemic,
greasy, scatalogical, repetitive,
unimaginative, sonorous, dumb, lewd, and manipulative. Wait a minute, I sound like my parents in 1968 when I was a Led head, and a Doors freak.


CLBledsoe said...


Don't get me started about trains. You're right, country music has become a derivative version of 60s rock. But 60s rock was so much better, or seems so in hindsight. It's a cheap shot, I admit, to pick on country because it's simply a type of Pop, and all pop is junk food, be it rock, rap, country, etc. This is partly because it's all put out by the same small group of people (the ones running the major labels). So it all kind of starts to sound the same. Just like movies. How do we end up with Kid Rock playing the CMT awards? Isn't he a rapper? Well, this way the CMT can draw in a broader audience, blah blah blah. Manipulative is exactly the word for it.

Alt. Country (Old 97's, Lucero, Sunvolt, etc.) and older country (Hank Williams Sr.!)(Hell, Hank Williams III) is the only country music I can listen to without feeling like it's a commercial. Same with rock, rap, etc. Mainstream radio pretty much blows, so you have to search hard for decent music, which means, after a certain point, I give up and just listen to my re-issued The Who: Live at Leeds 2 disc set (just ordered it a few weeks ago)because it takes so long to find something new that's decent. Which is a shame.

But really, I wasn't meaning to trash country music with the post, I was more talking about the perceptions of what "love" is.