Thursday, August 15, 2013

College & Suicide Dreams

I had two more odd dreams in the last few days that have stuck with me. I dreamed my daughter (currently two) was in college. The wife and I were visiting and Ellie, my daughter, and the wife were butting heads for some reason, so I went with Ellie on a tour of the campus. I went to a couple classes with her. The first was some kind of math class. Instead of desks, there were risers and seats reminiscent of a movie theater. I was weighted down with bags of swag and a chair they'd given me to carry around. I made my way towards the back of the class to be out of the way, and as I reached for a rail to steady myself, another student bit my hand. I told him I would break his skull if he did that again and apologized to the person I was trying to get around, then I went to the back. When the class was over, I realized my buddy Bevan (my age) was in the class. A current student of mine was also in it, along with another friend my age I can't remember. I asked Ellie if she had any friends in that class because there were some good people in it. Then we went to a music class which was so crowded students had to stand in the hall. After that, we climbed down a cliff and played in the water. I took off my shirt and was extremely buff. Unfortunately, this upset the nuns who ran the place, and I was arrested and taken before a tribunal of nuns for indecency, which embarrased Ellie.

I only remember a little bit of the other one. I discovered I had a terminal illness, I assume Huntington's Disease, which runs in my family. I was at my father's house for some reason, alone. I decided to commit suicide before I lost my faulties, and took a bunch of painkillers, after texting/calling several friends, who were mostly too busy with their own lives. There was no recrimination in this; it was good that it wasn't a big deal that I die. There was actually very little emotion in this dream at all. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room and lay down to die, but I woke up the next morning having failed to die, and decided to get back to work on some writing project. I called Bevan (weird synchronicity, there, that he popped up in both dreams) and got his help on some project. Then one of the friends I'd texted called and lectured me and didn't believe I'd attempted suicide because I'd texted him a bunch.

I consider both of these dreams very positive. The first, obviously, is a vision of the future. Mydaughter was beautiful and successful in the dream. I asked her, as we toured the campus, if she'd noticed some bit of natural beauty, and she replied, "Of course, Dad; I live here." This implies independence, and she was successful in her classes as well. She was taller than I would think, whatever that means.

The second dream, I think, implies a kind of emotional growth. I don't have Huntington's Diseas (I've been tested) but I have dealt with Depression for much of my life. In the dream, instead of lying on the couch in a kind of death, I woke up and got to work. My friends were surprised and incredulous towards even the idea of my "death." When I woke, in the dream, there was a distancing from the disease. I realized it was something I could live with and control.

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