Thursday, November 15, 2012

10 Questions with Me

I've read a couple of these self-interviews lately...okay, I've scanned the titles of a couple of these lately, and no one's really been interested in interviewing me in a while, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Here goes 10 questions with me:

Q: Why are you from a place that's not here?

A: Because no one is from here. And people who are are liars or weird.

Q: Have you ever worn suspenders?

A: Once. I don't like to talk about it. It was at a party and someone dared me. I've never worn a bowtie, though, so there's that.

Q: What's the best frog?

A: Those Canadian tree frogs. I forget what they're called...unless...could it be Canadian tree frogs? Anyway, they have a kind of natural anti-freeze in their blood and they freeze solid, except for I guess their vital organs, in winter. Clearly, they are the best frogs. Those ones that people lick to get high are probably second just as a sympathy vote.

Q: What's wrong with spaghetti?

A: So many things are right with spaghetti that it seems self-indulgent to point out the one thing that isn't right, but I just can't remain silent about this anymore. I don't care for tomato sauce. Partly, it's because I'm getting older and it bothers my stomach a bit, and partly, it's gross. I like the white sauce better, even though it reminds me of a cross between semen and glue. Which is pretty much what's wrong with spaghetti.

Q: What are you reading instead of what you're supposed to be reading?

A: I'm reading Why I'm Not a Christian, by Bertrand Russell, because it's in my bathroom. I won't say it's terribly interesting -- most of his arguments, so far, are pretty obvious, though perfectly valid. For example, he points out that Christ wasn't much of a moral leader because he publicly denounced unbelievers to hell. I have a stack of books I'd like to read -- I just bought the two Charles Portis novels I've yet to read (Masters of Atlantis and Norwood) and hope to knock those out soon.

I'm supposed to be reading crap I'm teaching, which I've already read, but like to reread as I teach it so it's fresh. It's hard to find time, though. Also, I've got a stack of review books.

Q: Have you considered interstate trucking?

A: I have! The biggest problem with that, I think, would be the fact that I fall asleep pretty much immediately after getting into the car. It's a problem, since I usually drive when we go anywhere. Often, chewing gum helps. I'm not much of a cap person, either, and I feel like truck drivers usually wear caps.

A big plus, I'd have to say, is gas station chicken. Gas station chicken is probably my favorite food group. I imagine that if I were to become an interstate trucker, I'd eat a lot of it. I also like Pringles and key lime pie. I'm pretty sure I could get Pringles at gas stations, not so sure about the pie. That's pretty much why I haven't put a downpayment on a rig, yet.

Also, Kurt Russel's character in Big Trouble in Little China was a trucker, and he's definately one of my heroes.

Q: What's your favorite memory about pudding?

A: I don't actually have any standout memories about pudding. My dad used to make banana pudding when I was a kid, which was cool, I guess, but he'd make a LOT of it and it would take a long time to eat, and by the end, it was all soggy and kind of gross. Pudding isn't really my thing I guess. I'd rate it slightly above jello, though that jello with fruit and shit suspended in it does have a kind of aesthetic appeal.

Q: Tell me more about spaghetti.

A: I'm intrigued by the tradition of eating some sort of bread with pasta. Who came up with that? It's like having a burger with your steak. I prefer pickles with pasta. They're green. You need some green with all that red. Aesthetics are important.

Q: How come I've never heard of you?

A: You haven't been spending enough time at the post office.

Q: Say something pithy about stalactites.

A: Stalactites are what's left when the earth's tears dry.

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