Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I have a wikipedia page. It's a stub, which is my "in the know" way of saying it's embarrasingly short, but hey, it exists. I found out yesterday when Googling myself, something I do more and more often since the baby was born and the wife and I just don't have time to...but I digress. I don't know who created it. And I've read too many articles about politicians trying to edit their own pages to attempt messing with it. See, not to sound ungrateful, but it does contain a couple errors, though. So I thought I would mention a few things that could be added/corrected in the hopes that the kind soul who wrote the page might fix it:

1. Though I did, once, "eat an entire, live cat" it should be noted that the cat stopped technically being alive about halfway through the process. Also, this was in college, and not on any kind of "stage".

2. I never "declared myself Dragon-Slayer Supreme". Why would I do that? I only achieved the level of Dragon-Slayer 3rd Class (Pending). Frankly, Mortimor and the Brotherhood are none too pleased with you for that slip-up, Wikipedia author!

3. My birthdate is wrong in the little box on the top, right-hand side. That's not the date I was born, but the date I came to this planet. Because I heard it had a lot of hot chicks. Aliens dig hot chicks.

4. I'm sure the pope never declared me "a danger to himself and to true Catholics everywhere". I'm sure the pope has more important things to do than spout hyperbole about one guy who did one little thing that HE TOTALLY REGRETS! And, I mean, I thought the thing was a reproduction. Who keeps something like that out where people can get to it? Sheesh.

5. The fifth sentence, third paragraph, should read "C. L. Bledsoe is a real piece of TALENT... " (Corrections in all caps).

6. I'd really like it if you included a shout-out to my mom. HI MOM!!! LOVE YOU!!!!

7. I did, in fact, shoot JR, but the bastard had it coming after what he did to my hopes and dreams.

8. When Schroedenger opened the box, he found me, yo. And I was all like: BLAM! ASPCA, MOFO!!

9. Bob Villa did once give me the finger, but it was NOT justified!

10. I WAS the first person to suggest that Jack Black, Jack White, and Black Francis start a band called the Colorblind Honkeys. And Red Green should be their Techie.

I think that's about it.

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