Monday, March 19, 2012

Mythical Creatures I Would Have Sex With

1. Medusa (the Ray Harryhausen version from "Clash of the Titans" w/bag over her head. She turned part of me to stone...)

2. Zombies (if they're female and haven't been dead for too long so they don't stink yet)

3. Vampires (Anne Rice vampires—cause they're all practically female)(That was a joke. I'm not gay.)

4. Incubus (Natch. the creature, not the band.)

5. Bigfoots (females)(I don't mind a little bush.)

6. Ghosts (hot female ghosts like the one in Ghost Busters that got in bed with Dan Akroyd. Also, did anyone else think Cssper was kind of cute?)

7. Moth(wo)man (If there was a female version, I mean. Seriously. I'm not gay.)

8. Unicorns (They're very feminine. And Tom Cruise in "Legend" was kind of cute. I mean in an entirely heterosexual way. I mean he looked like a young girl.)

9. Oompa Loompas (If there were female ones, I mean.)(They're like cute, sexy children.)(Female children, I mean, of course.)

10. Angels (aren't they all female? Especially cherubs. More cushion for the pushin’.)

11. Mermaids (like Ariel. She was hot—for jailbait. But would it be illegal in the ocean? Everything's better where it's wetter.)

12. Ghost Girl From Japanese Horror Movies (Japanese women are really hot in general cause they look so young and innocent, and a dead girl wouldn't matter, right? Cause she's dead so it wouldn't matter that some countries consider it "illegal" to have sex with her because of her age.)

13. Little Girls from Anime (those little girls on the cover of anime comics are so hot! I can't even go into the store to look at them anymore, because of the court order, but also because they're so hot.)

14. Babies


Anonymous said...

And they say I am strange...

CLBledsoe said...

ha. This one doesn't quite work. I was going for "I'm not gay, but my homophobia hides pedophile tendencies." But it lacks subtlety. Or something. Maybe it's just not funny.